Bathroom Mirrors in Restaurants

Okay…I want to briefly talk about a very serious and devastating phenomenon called Ugly Bathroom Face Syndrome. Do you know what I’m talking about?

At some point in our life we have all been exposed to our reflection in a restaurant’s bathroom mirror. If you haven’t already, you'll soon probably walk into a restaurant washroom, do your business...and then…you will look into the mirror. It’s as if somehow between your table and the bathroom sink you’ve managed to age 17 years and attracted some rare form of scurvy. You’re now staring at a face that not even your dog could adore. Even unconditional love has limits. It will suck every bit of self-esteem and confidence you’ve ever had in virtually seconds.

Here’s what I don’t understand: architects have built structures that can withstand a point-7 earthquake and reach 100 stories high. Yet I still manage to look like a leper in every Red Lobster washroom.

Why is the lighting so bad in there? What are they worried about? Is the aroma of urinal pucks so conducive to good conversation that we’re going to start congregating there in masses? I can understand one or two of them being badly lit…but all of them!

Noisy Tree how could this be, you ask? Five little letters my friends: N A A P S. North American Assoc. of Plastic Surgeons.

Now, I have no credible proof or evidence, but I’m positive that the NAAPS is systematically bribing our architects to do this. Think about it. Who else would benefit more from a society of mongrels? The only reason Michael Jackson looks the way he does is because he likes to eat out a lot.

It's time for a change!