THE NOISY ORCHARD

Get out of my seat...please!

2005-06-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

Okay. I realize that the following might sound petty or too possessive, but I've noticed something over the years that tends to truly bug me.

This weekend during a softball tournament it happened...again. Not for the first time, and definitely not for the last. You see, I have this really nice nylon chair that I bring to outdoor event, such as the softball tournament. It folds up nicely and is extremely comfortable. It has a head rest, the back reclines slightly, and the arm rests come out in a V-shape (as oppose to a U-shape). In other words it is one comfy chair. I looked far and wide to find this chair. And it cost me a pretty penny.

So...what's the problem?

Unfortunately, other people think it's a great chair as well. As a result I often find people sitting in it. What's really interesting are the people that brought their chair and just find mine more comfortable...so they take it. Hey, just because you don't like your chair, doesn't mean that you should sit in mine...and thereby forcing me to sit in your chair.

Aren't these people the ones that are being truly selfish?

Rage on Public Buses

2005-06-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

In the past few months I've started taking public transit to work. However, I'm not going to complain about the transit system...too easy. What I'd like to share with you is my observation on a certain type of people that take these buses.

Before I start, I want to explain...for those of you that don't ride public transit during peak hours...how things work on a busy bus. In order to pack the bus with as many people as possible, the bus driver usually asks people to "move to the back". This way, more people can get on. This is fair and civilized. However, for some reason people tend to bunch up at the front - leaving the back fairly empty. Why? I don't know.

But these are not the people I have a problem with...well actually I do but hey there's too many of them. The ones I want to talk about are actually quite the opposite. If you've spent enough time on a packed bus, you've probably felt them pushing their way past you.

As soon as they get on a crowded bus, they start their voyage or perhaps in their mind a crusade. With a look of discontent and superiority they push their way to the back of the bus. Now I know they are kind of doing the right thing. Because of them people at the next stop will be able to get on...but boy do they really bug me.

These are probably the same people that not only raised their hand in class to every single question, but also had the right answer!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not about conformity. I believe people should take action against injustice...but, I still don't like these people. Maybe it's the way they aggressively move through the bus without a single "excuse me" or "pardon me". Perhaps it's the look of smugness that they get ones they reach the back.

Grrrrr...I just don't like them.

Speaking of Irony

2005-06-24T12:57:00.000-07:00

Below is a link to a site that has some amazing facts about Lincoln's and Kennedy's life and assassinations.

For example:
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson

...oh, it get's much better! Website

And, some what reluctantly, here is a site for all those people that tend to usually suck the life out of every party or conversation. It's a website that tries to convince you that these facts are nothing impressive and are just "superficial coincidences". Website

Never for Dinner

2005-04-06T18:09:00.000-07:00

There's an old saying, "Every time we make plans, God laughs". As I grow older, I realize how true this is. I once had a friend that said that she would never date someone with a kid. A week later she started a two-year relationship with a guy that had...you guessed it...a kid.

I’ve eaten a lot of “nevers” over the years.

I don’t know if there is truly a God. But, if there is, I’m convinced that he/she is highly entertained by irony.

About two years ago, I mentioned to a female Chinese friend of mine that I have never dated an Asian woman. Jokingly I added, "Why would I do that. Never!" Literally a few days later I met my now fiancée...she's Chinese.

Irony...get use to it.

If you have any ironic stories, please share.

Trying to Make a Point

2004-11-24T18:05:00.000-08:00

I'm guessing the monks at this temple in Thailand are tired of people sitting on their monuments. Good old barbed wire.

Bin Laden Goes Fishing

2004-11-23T13:29:00.000-08:00

Last week I visited a remote and primitive village in Thailand. It's an old Muslim village built entirely on stilts.

One thing that I thought would be too cliché to happen...actually happened. In this primitive, all muslim village, in the middle of nowhere, I actually saw a kid wearing an Osama Bin Laden t-shirt. What are the odds!

Synopsis of Bush's Acceptance Speech

2004-11-05T14:28:00.000-08:00

Oh that little rascal.

Video footage

What Would Jesus Do?

2004-11-03T18:06:00.000-08:00

Today, a 46-year-old man in Taiwan lept into a lion’s den at the Taipei Zoo in an attempt to try to convert the lions to Christianity. “Jesus will save you!” shouted the 46-year-old man at two lions resting a few meters away. “Come bite me!” he said with both hands raised.

The man was bit on his right leg before zoo keeper drove the male lion off with water hoses and tranquilizer guns. Newspapers said that "the lions had been fed earlier in the day, otherwise the man might have been more seriously hurt ... or worse".

If you're interested in seeing the actual video footage click on the link: Video

Bathroom Mirrors in Restaurants

2004-11-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

Okay…I want to briefly talk about a very serious and devastating phenomenon called Ugly Bathroom Face Syndrome. Do you know what I’m talking about?

At some point in our life we have all been exposed to our reflection in a restaurant’s bathroom mirror. If you haven’t already, you'll soon probably walk into a restaurant washroom, do your business...and then…you will look into the mirror. It’s as if somehow between your table and the bathroom sink you’ve managed to age 17 years and attracted some rare form of scurvy. You’re now staring at a face that not even your dog could adore. Even unconditional love has limits. It will suck every bit of self-esteem and confidence you’ve ever had in virtually seconds.

Here’s what I don’t understand: architects have built structures that can withstand a point-7 earthquake and reach 100 stories high. Yet I still manage to look like a leper in every Red Lobster washroom.

Why is the lighting so bad in there? What are they worried about? Is the aroma of urinal pucks so conducive to good conversation that we’re going to start congregating there in masses? I can understand one or two of them being badly lit…but all of them!

Noisy Tree how could this be, you ask? Five little letters my friends: N A A P S. North American Assoc. of Plastic Surgeons.

Now, I have no credible proof or evidence, but I’m positive that the NAAPS is systematically bribing our architects to do this. Think about it. Who else would benefit more from a society of mongrels? The only reason Michael Jackson looks the way he does is because he likes to eat out a lot.

It's time for a change!

Home Schooling

2004-11-02T13:31:00.000-08:00

The following story is true...promise.

A little while back, I found myself eating breakfast in a hotel (somewhere in Oregon). Being half asleep, my girlfriend and I decided to listen in on someone else's conversation. Here's how it basically went:
----------------------------------------
[M]Mother
[S]Son (about 8 years old)
[R1]Relative 1
[R2]Relative 2

[M] - How do you spell Wednesday? That one always confuses me.
[R1] - Isn't it W-E-D-N-E...no wait.
[M] - I thought it was W-E-N-E-S-D-A-Y. Honey, do you know how to spell Wednesday.
[S] - W-E-D-N-E-S-D-A-Y.
[M] - Really, there's a D in it?
[R2] - (Shakes his head and continues typing on his laptop)
[M] - What a smart boy. I think I'll continue to home school you.
----------------------------------------

Now I don't profess to be a spelling-b champion, but if you're going to home school your children, shouldn't you be smarter than them? You should know at least the basics...like how to spell Wednesday.

The Etiquette of Smell

2004-11-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

Why is it social acceptable to tell someone that they are physically hurting you, yet improper, even rude, to tell them that they smell...badly...really badly? A smell so pungent that it gives you goose-pimples.

Yesterday, as every Monday, I played volleyball at a local community center. It usually hosts the same group of people. However, this time we were joined...actually more like assaulted...by a man that had a funk so bad that it lingered for at least a minute after he left. It was actually able to spread to other courts. I could smell his presence at least 25 - 30 feet away.

I wanted to tell him to leave the courts. I wanted to say "I'm sorry but your smell is too much, you must leave now!" Did I? No. Social norm told me that if I did, I would be labeled as the rude one - not him. Shouldn't it be the other way around? In a country where we have daily access to deodorant, showers, and soap there's no excuse for this. Apply some deodorant or please leave the court!

And unless I have the nose of a blood hound, it's safe to say that I was not the only one that was aromatically abused by this man...and said nothing. Has this man gone through his entire life without someone mentioning it to him that it's just not socially acceptable? Probably. Yet, if his cell phone rang during a movie we wouldn’t hesitate to give him a tongue lashing. But smell? We’d probably feel that it would be rude to even relocate our passive-aggressive ass five seats to the left.

We must stop this! Let’s create a North America that is as beautiful to smell as it is to look at. Next time someone smells beside you at a movie theatre, tell them to move five seats to the left. If they can't be considerate enough to take a shower then why should you be considerate enough not to say anything.

It's time for a change!

Wall of Language

2004-11-01T08:37:00.000-08:00

Why do people have a need to start speaking a different language as soon as they find out you do as well? For example, as soon as a Russian-speaking person realizes that I speak their language, they feel the need to start talking Russian – even if their english is perfect. What's wrong with the way we were talking 3 seconds ago?

My main problem with it is when there are other people involved - innocent by-standards that don't speak that particular language. Instantly they are excluded from the conversation. I usually try to answer the person in English. But even then they keep pressing back with the Russian. Subtle hints seen to go right past their bilingual heads.

Why do people have the need to do that? If you're one of them...please stop. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind strangers talking to each other in a different language. Their conversation in none of my business. My problem is when language is used as a barrier within a group of friends, co-workers, or acquaintances.

Once I was actually on the other side of this wall. I was at a dinner at someone's house. They had about 15 people over that night. Midway through the night one of the guys decided to start chatting-up the girl next to me in Spanish. He thought it was a great way to form a bond and to also conveniently shot me out of the conversation. Perhaps he saw me as a competitor. Pretty rude I thought. Luckily so did she. Shortly after that night she asked me out on a date. Aaah finally a little justice.

It's time for a change!

Paying Twice for a Movie

2004-10-28T11:14:00.000-07:00

Why do we put up with commercials in movie theatres? Shouldn't the price of a ticket relieve us of this constant onslaught?

The reason television is free is because we play for it by watching commercials. The reason my softball team got free jerseys is because they had ads on them. The reason I get free e-mail and the use of blogger.com is because they put commercials on the web pages I use. And that's okay. That's the price I'm willing to pay. Nothing in life is free. But I already paid for the movie and I shouldn't be expected to sit through a lineup of commercials before the movie starts. Especially the same lame commercials that I see on TV - for free.

How can we stop this? Well, by fighting fire with fire. Give the advertisers bad advertising. What do I mean? As a marketer myself, I can tell you there's nothing worse than having bad word-of-mouth. Bad reviews can kill a marketing campaign.

So the next time a Ford ad comes on, yell out "don't buy a Ford". If they force you to watch a Budweiser commercial, yell out "don't buy Budweiser". And if you hear someone shouting, "don't buy motorola" join them - even if you want to buy one. Don’t just empathies – mobilize!

If theatre audiences in your community start chanting "don't buy", I promise you that advertisers will think twice. Would you want 200 people chanting not to buy your product? Not likely.

Please help stop the commercials. If you believe that this is the right thing to do, please e-mail this page to your friends...and encourage them to e-mail it to their friends. And above all, don't be shy; yell out "DON'T BUY IT!"

Also visit www.nomovieads.com.

It's time for a change!